HOW TO BUILD BOUNDARIES
I get told all the time…."damn you kinda funny about your time." The first time I heard this was from men who were interested in dating me. Then I started hearing this from potential clients, that never commit to paying an invoice. I can't lie..the first time I heard it, I felt terrible. I even journaled to figure out if I was doing something wrong. But when I started hearing this from people that wanted to pick my brain without paying, I quickly understood I was in total alignment. Yet, I wasn't always this way. I used to let anybody and everybody have constant access to my time, energy, mind, and sadly even my money.
So then what changed? I woke up one day and realized I was exhausted with other people's emotional baggage. I realized my schedule was full of crap I had no real interest in. I realized I was giving information away to people who were never going to implement it because they weren't invested. I realized that my bank account was empty because I was surrounded by takers.
The revelation was that I HAD NO BOUNDARIES. A lack of boundaries made me dread my only life. And the biggest revelation….I was existing instead of living. So I decided to change. I sat down and came up with a plan. And while the planning was technically easy, I knew my area of struggle was going to come when I had to implement the plan as well as hold myself accountable.
So here's what I did:
1. Went through my current call list and deleted the contact information of people who I didn't actually enjoy. This way when they called and/or texted I wouldn't know who they were and didn’t' feel compelled to answer. This caused them to have to leave a message and then I CHOSE rather or not I wanted to respond. I also only responded when it was convenient for me.
2. I audited my schedule. I deleted every event I didn't want to attend. I then added all the things that were important to me. Next, I created a work schedule and created an event called: EVERYTHING OFF. Finally, I decided what days/time slots I needed for client work- administrative tasks- financial overviews- and planning and added those as weekly events.
3. I stopped giving my genius away for FREE! And to take it a step further, I stopped charging by the hour because I'm in the business of transformation which requires a commitment of time, which eliminated people looking for a quick fix.
4. I set a DO NOT DISTURB on my phone. Yep, my phone turns off at a certain time EVERY DAY. There are a VERY select group of people that are on my Favorites list and can have access to me after hours. Everybody else I see if I happen to be on my phone or they get called back when it is convenient for me. I also set time limits for all my social media accounts. This one was easy for me, as I only use those apps for my business, so I have a set amount of time to respond to comments and engage with my core customers.
5. I realized that I could ONLY give money that I had in abundance. This meant if I didn't have an overflow in my checking account, not my savings, not my other checking…my main checking account then I didn't have it to give. I also started using my discernment and quickly realized I was offering to help/give to people who didn't technically ask me. The problem with this was that they weren't exercising any humility and I was moving from a place of guilt.
Again these boundaries didn't mean jack crap until I started enforcing them over and over and over and over again. I would love to tell you that it was easy, but it wasn't. I had created some very terrible patterns and habits over the years that took a crazy amount of discipline to break, as well as I had to permit myself to be different.
Although it wasn't easy…Whew, Chile….let me tell you…IT WAS WORTH IT!
I'm happier. I have more time. I'm more energetic. I'm healthier. And most importantly, I feel powerful instead of deflated and defeated. Soooo…here's what I recommend…Do a HARD assessment. Be honest about what needs to change. And most importantly…IMPLEMENT your new plan and hold steady to your boundaries. Those boundaries might seem harsh, but that is only to those who feel entitled to your time, energy, and money.
WHO AM I?
I’m Kandis Troutman, The Creative Architect. I'm a mother, teacher, and spiritual seeker focused on purpose walking, and serving others. I help women activate their God-given power so they can transform their purpose into a prosperous business.
Thanks for reading my post. I try to publish new posts weekly, but I believe in leaving room for God, which means there are no guarantees. But check in often and let me know what content awakens your spirit and I’ll be more than happy to share my experiences.
If you enjoyed this post, I’d appreciate it if you would like, comment, and/or share it on your social media. A sincere THANKS IN ADVANCE!
Don’t allow your life to become what you should have done or what you wish you could have accomplished. Instead, step into the greatness that is your destiny and start creating, building, and elevating the life of your dreams.
Ready to start your business, but need help laying the foundation?
Grab my FREE step by step guide to help you get started